Art of Flirting

To get to love, you have to learn how to muster and harness your sexual energy and then deliver it as part of your overall personality package. Sound daunting? Actually, it's a piece of cake-or rather, four pieces, which I call getting physical, getting grounded, eye work, and practice dating.

Getting physical is about getting in touch with your body through exercise-a necessity, since sexuality is deeply bound up in your physical, animal self. To be a really effective private flirt, you have to be deeply, viscerally attuned to that part of yourself. You might have already gotten involved in a new physical activity as part of your socializing action plan, but if not, sign up for some classes. Even a one- or two-week program will do the trick. Skydiving, kickboxing, belly dancing, yoga, tennis, weight lifting, tae kwon do, rumba lessons-anything in which your body is 100 percent involved. Find the best instructor or association around. He or she will be your first flirt ally, helping you tune in to your own physical awareness.

If you're exercising individually, avoid distractions like watching TV on the treadmill or listening to an iPod while you jog. Instead, listen to your body by cycling your awareness over and over from your pelvis to the pit of your stomach to your chest to your throat, and back to your pelvis. This sets your sexual energy in motion.

Getting grounded

There may be times when you're dating or approaching people and you suddenly feel nervous, anxious, or inadequate. You want to make a run for it. This is because you've entered panic mode or, at the very least, your fight or flight mechanism has kicked in and involuntarily put you into flight mode. When this mechanism picks up signals that you are nervous or uncomfortable with a situation, it starts to pump adrenaline and shifts your breathing into your chest-so you are literally ready for a quick sprint for the hills. Unfortunately, your partner may pick up on this and also experience discomfort, and the whole thing can start to come undone. But stay calm. This is where belly breathing (or diaphragmatic inhalation, to give it its proper name) comes in, helping to ground you. I won't go into the vast science behind belly breathing; suffice it to say that when you breathe by pushing out your belly, your diaphragm is pulled down, which in turn allows your lungs to fill to capacity, give or take a few nooks and crannies at the top. This puts more oxygen into your blood with less effort from your heart. As a result, you literally slow down, that panicky feeling subsides, and you can resume encouraging your chosen one to fall in love with you, sans sweaty palms and shallow breath.