Funny Tips to Date your Superbabe

Oh yes, we know what you want. You want to date a classy lady with manners, someone to be seen with that'll make the other guys want to lick your boots. You want to date a model, a real hot superbabe! Just follow these simple tips and you'll have them falling over you, and not just from anorexia...

Never tell her she's pretty. She knows that! She gets paid for her appearance, and hundreds of people tell her every day how perfect she is. Not only is it unoriginal, it's also the only thing about herself over which she has no real control - superbabes and models are very aware that they make a living from being genetic flukes. Compliment her on her attire, her bearing, her jokes, her witty conversation, her amazing capacity for stimulants. Even better, point out her imperfections. She'll eat it up because she'll realize that only you can see beyond the beauty to the real her. Make sure you mention every enlarged pore, every pimple, each inappropriate hair, any dangling nasal mucous, the growing bags under her eyes. "Hey gorgeous, getting a little spread back there?" She'll melt away.

Ugly is fine but then be talented or rich. Seriously. Look at the history: Christie Brinkley and Billy Joel, Heather Thomas and Tommy Lee, Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee, Pamela Anderson and Bret Michaels, Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton, Kate Hudson and the straggly guy from The Black Crowes, Susan Silverman and Jack Black... Hot chicks dig ugly, talented guys, so get cracking and start playing. You might not even have to be really good. Just tell her you play rhythm guitar, then all you have to be able to do is play a couple chords and consume a city bus full of liquor in a single sitting. In case you´re not able to do even that you need to be rich.

Be political. Another way in which former president Bill Clinton has led the way for all of us. He's been linked to former Miss America Elizabeth Ward Gracen, former Miss Arkansas Sally Perdue, former singer Gennifer Flowers. At least democratic presidents remember how to have sex! Lots of senators, congressmen, consultants, diplomats and appointees have been seen with the glamour world's best and bright... well, best. Keep in mind that at the grassroots level you'll have to settle for housewives and the occasional starry-eyed teenage campaign volunteer, but if politics teaches you nothing else it will teach you how to compromise.