Sexy jokes - Page 2

Welche 4 Flüsse können sich Blondinen merken...? - Rhein... Inn... Main... Po...

Two cowboys are talking over a beer discussing various sex positions. The first cowboy says his favorite position is the "rodeo". The other rustler asks what the position is and how to do it.
"Well, get your babe to get on the bed on all fours and do it doggy style. Once things start to get underway and she’s really enjoying it, lean forward and whisper in her ear ´Your sister likes this position as well...` Then you try and hang on for 8 seconds."

A mother and her son were flying Southwest Airlines. The son turned to his mother and asked, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”
The mother told her son to ask the stewardess. So the boy asked the stewardess, “If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby cats, why don’t big planes have baby planes?”
The stewardess responded, “Did your mother tell you to ask me?” The boy admitted that this was the case. “Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time.”

A high school teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam. She tells the class there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for serious injury, illness, or a death in the student’s immediate family.
A smart-mouthed jock in the back of the room asks, “What about extreme sexual exhaustion?” The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, “Not an excuse. Write with your other hand.”

Q: Why did the snowman pull down his pants?
A: He heard the snowblower coming.

Two buddies were sharing drinks while discussing their wives.
“Do you and your wife ever do it doggy style?” asked the one.
“Well... not exactly,” his friend replied, “She’s more into the trick dog aspect of it.”
“Oh, I see, kinky, huh?”
“Well... not exactly.... I sit up and beg, and she rolls over and plays dead.”

What’s the best way to make your wife scream when you’re having sex?

Call her up and tell her where you are.

Two elderly ladies are sitting on the front porch, doing nothing.
One lady turns and asks “Do you still get horny?”
The other replies, “Oh sure I do.”
The first old lady asks, “What do you do about it?”
The second old lady replies, “I suck a lifesaver.”
After a few moments, the first old lady asks, “Who drives you to the beach?”

A farmer takes a shortcut through his orchard to a nearby pond, carrying a bucket to bring back some fruit. Once he gets to the pond, he sees two girls skinny dipping. They see him and immediately drop below the water. "We're not coming out until you leave!" shouts one of the girls. "I didn't come to watch you swim naked." says the farmer, holding up the bucket. "I'm just here to feed the alligators."

'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?' Bob works hard at the plant and spends two nights each week bowling and plays golf every Saturday. His wife thinks he's pushing himself too hard, so for his birthday she takes him to a local strip club. The doorman at the club greets them and says, 'Hey, Bob! How ya doin?' His wife is puzzled and asks if he's been to this club before. 'Oh no,' says Bob. 'He's in my
bowling league. When they are seated, a waitress asks Bob if he'd like his usual and brings over a Budweiser. His wife is becoming increasingly uncomfortable and says, 'How did she know that you drink
Budweiser?' 'I recognize her, she's the waitress from the golf club. I always have a Bud at the end of the 1st nine, honey.' A stripper then comes over to their table, throws her arms around Bob, starts to rub herself all over him and says, 'Hi Bobby. Want your usual table dance, big boy?' Bob's wife, now furious, grabs her purse and storms out of the club. Bob follows and spots her getting into a cab. Before she can slam the door, he jumps in beside her. Bob tries desperately to explain how the stripper must have mistaken him for someone else, but his wife is having none of it . She is screaming at him at the top of her lungs, calling him every 4 letter word in the book. The cabby turns around and says, 'Geez Bob, you picked up a real bitch this time.'